


winston

by Julie_K



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29382924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julie_K/pseuds/Julie_K
Summary: when Logan was little her mother died in a house fire started by a cigarette butt, and her older brother dally left a few days after the funeral. This left Logan with her drunk, high, sorry excuse of a father. after being beat for four years she couldn't take it and decided to do something about it...⚠️𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺, 𝗮𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗲, 𝗮𝘅𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗶 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗱𝗲𝗿, 𝗲𝗰𝘁.⚠️(this is the same on wattled, im the same author, just posting it on a different server)
Relationships: Angela/logan, Johnny/Ponyboy, dally/monica





	1. Chapter 1

**School sucks**

I woke up to the sound of rocks hitting my window. I got up after two minutes of listening to it and poked my head out my window just to have a pebble hit right below my eye.

"What do you want?!?!" I hollered down to my best friend Alex, "it is an unholy hour on a Sunday!!!!"

"What?!" He yelled confused, "it's 7:30 Monday morning, and if you don't hurry up your ass is gonna get a detention for being late again!"

I do a double take and look at my clock, oh shit he's right!!!! Is all I can think.

I sprint to my closet and grab a grey sweatshirt along with my jeans and black converse. I get those on as fast as humanly possible without ripping them and grab my bag and skateboard. I start leaving my room throwing my hair into a ponytail when I see a limp body sitting on my couch. I stifle a scream as I realize it's my drunk father passed out.

I get out the door of our two room apartment and sprint down the stairs as fast as I can go. I burst out of the exit running into multiple cursing New Yorkers to see Alex already on his skateboard headed towards school. I sprint to catch up with him the dropping the board beneath my feet.

" 'ey dipshit don't leave like that again! Savvy?" I told him. He rolled his eyes at the nickname I gave him. we rode for a bit, dodging pedestrians and getting close to the school

"Hey ya know ona these days imma beat you and your not gonna know what to do with yourself." He finally spoke up in his thick New York accent as we got off our boards and walked in to the school.

as we were strolling I saw my fellow hoods giving me and Alex looks of admiration, while the administration, staff, and rich kids gave me a dirty side-eye. I made it to my first and least favorite class math, the teacher sucked. I got to the class and sat in the back next to Alex Both of us reclining in our seats with our feet on the desks.

the teacher walked in eyeing me and Alex like we were scum. when she got to the front she announced "Miss. Winston, this will be the last time I tell you, no hoods on in my class, feet off the desk, and sit like a proper woman."

I gave her a look like I was thinking about it, "No." I said bluntly.

her jaw fell agape at my disrespect, "you have to the count of fi-'

"I am not your daughter," I interrupted her, flipping out my switch just to scare her a little more. "NO."

she was too stunned to react but I heard quiet snickers dispersed across the class, I think I even saw a soc try to stifle a laugh. "I will NOT tolerate being made fun of in my own class!" she hollered making the class go silent.

"well then..." I replied snarky and exasperated. "I guess I will just be leaving then."

she only walked over to the phone and called the office saying, "we have a trouble maker down in b-112, could you please send the principal?"

at those words I quickly flipped my switch blade closed and hid it in the back pocket of my jeans. as soon as me and Alex were sitting normally the principal walked in, "what seems to be the problem Mrs.Norwood?" he asked.

"these filthy hoods, are disrupting my class!" she stated in an annoyed tone.

"Sir, I simply have no idea what she is talking about." I replied calmly

"yeah," added Alex. "I don't know what she is talking about Logan and I sat down waiting for class to start and she started yelling at Logan."

"well then Mrs. Norwood I will be having no more false alarms from your class!" he stated sternly. stalking out of the small classroom angrily. Mrs.Norwood looked exasperated and annoyed since I didn't get in trouble, then walked back to the front of the room giving me a death glare. no less than five minutes later class was over and me and Alex rushed out like our lives depended on it, because quite frankly they did.

In Alex and I's next classes before lunch were separate so I didn't have my impulse control with me and he didn't have his emotional support greaser with him. both of those classes went by very slow and ended with some snobby rich kid being irritated with me but they didn't have any evidence that it was me so they couldn't tell the teacher.

***************

FINALLY!! I thought as the bell signaling lunch rang. I skated with my hood up through the halls so I could get to lunch faster. "Miss. Winston," the principal stopped me. "I was hopping that you had gotten out of this habit! If I see you skating one more time on campus you will be expelled." as he turned his back to me I made faces at him causing the hoodlums around me to chuckle.

as I arrived in the cafeteria I saw Alex wave me over to him at our lonely table of just us. quite frankly its cause the other kids were too scared. we got our food and had been talking about our classes when suddenly some seniors came to the table...


	2. Good Riddance

The seniors sat at our table surrounding me and Alex. "Hey freshman, a little birdie told me you're the little Winston. Ya' know your brother used to beat me up in grade school. Now it's time to do the same to you."

Alex and I stood up and people started to notice what was happening. The took Alex holding him against the wall to stop him from helping me and then the kind punched me in the stomach. I doubled over then stood up laughing "ya really shouldn't have done that." Was all I said until I heard a yelp. I turned to see Alex on the floor and I realized they hit him in the balls. "Oh hell naw"

I balled up my fists and in between swings I got out "no-one-hurts-Alex" when I was done he was on the floor bleeding from his nose and mouth. I sat on his chest holding down his arms with my knees and just kept hitting him on the face until I was ripped off of him.

I turned around to see whoever pulled me off him him, getting ready to swing, but my arms were held plastered to my sides. I realized it was Alex as he whispered soothing things in my ear to calm me down. the other kid whose face I beat in was unconscious and his face was covered in blood.

Alex had finally calmed me down, when we heard a booming voice over the loud speakers call "LOGAN WINSTON TO THE FRONT OFFICE _NOW!!!"_ Alex let me go and I started walking to the front office getting side stares from all the kids.

I took a step stomping in the direction of a junior and shouted, "What are you looking at?!" causing her to yelp. I just laughed and kept walking to the front of the school. I got to the front office and walked into the principals office.

"Logan I tried to give you extra chances hoping you would straighten out but you didn't so now I have no choice but to expel you."

"Listen here Gus, I'll walk out of this school if you can make one promise to me."

"and what would that be?"

"you protect Alex no matter what and you help him go to college and get a good education."

"I'll try." was his only response.

"see thats the wrong answer" I responded, standing up and going over to his glass cabinet full f china plates and tipped it over causing it all to shatter. "oops! give me the right answer this time."

"I-I promise!" he stuttered out of fear

"ok well good riddance!" I said walking out of his office then walking out of the school heading home on my skateboard.

****************

I got home and prayed that my dad went to work today. he didn't. "WHY ARE YOU HOME SO EARLY?!?!?!" he yelled at me when I walked in.

"I got expelled for standing up for my friend." I responded quietly not wanting to get beat.

"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!!" he yelled at me. I walked toward him taking small steps scared of what was to come next. "I SAID COME HERE!!!" he yelled grabbing my arm so hard it probably left a bruise. he hit me repeatedly anywhere he could land a blow. He stopped after like 10 minutes of this and yelled at me to go to my room. I went to my room with a plan in mind.

I looked through all of my stuff and eventually found it. it was a letter that dally sent me a month after he left. I tore off the return address and thought to use it to find him, I then emptied my school backpack and packed it with a weeks worth of clothes and the 50 dollar bill I had for emergencies, I grabbed my skateboard and opened my window. I noticed a ladder a couple feet from my window but I couldn't use it with my skateboard in hand.

I stepped back in my room grabbing a rope and set my skateboard wheels out on my bag and tied it to my back pack so I could take the ladder. I stepped on my window sill and realized I had to jump to get to the ladder. I jumped and barely caught it earning gasps from the people on the street.

I climbed down and got on the street untying my board and skating towards the train station. I got there and went to the reception desk, "hey I'm gonna get a ticket to Tulsa, Oklahoma for five dollars." I told her.

"ma'am its actually $5.50-"

"no its five" I interrupted her showing my blade. I gave her the fifty and she gave me back forty-five bucks. I then walked to the platform as the train arrived I walked on putting my board and bag under my feet. the train ride was 22 hours long so I decided to sleep the whole time.

****************

I woke up to the sound of he train horn going off and realized this was my stop. I grabbed my stuff and ran off the train. I put my board under my feet and my bag on my and skated around town trying to find dally.

after a bit I saw someone who had dally's elfish futures, his ice blue eyes, and his chocolate colored hair. "DALLY?!?!?!" I yelled.

**Dally P.O.V**

"Dally?!?!?!" I heard some one yell, I turned around to see who it was and it was a familiar looking girl but I couldn't remember from where. she skated over to me and I studied he features she had elfish features like me; high cheek bones, a defined jaw line, she was tall, with long chocolate colored hair pulled up in a ponytail. when she got closer I noticed that she had the same icy blue eye color that looked like they had seen too much.

the girl skated up to me, my only reaction was "Who are you?" her face fell a bit but she still had a smile that was so familiar and mischievous.

"Dally it's me, its Logan." she replied softly. it Took me a moment but then I remembered where I know that name from I enveloped her in tight hug.

"What are you doing here I thought you lived with dad?" I asked then pulled away and looked at her, she was covered in bruises. "Logan, Did he hit you?" she looked away like she was ashamed of the answer that she would give so I just pulled her into another hug letting her know that I wasn't gonna let no one hurt her no more.

"I ran away and found you using the letter you sent me a moth after you left." she said.

"Logan, I sent that 9 years ago, why did you keep it?"

"well it helped me know that you wee alive and one day I would find you, that one day dad hitting me would be over-" her vice broke that she was about to cry, "it helped me to think that one day you would come back..." she trailed off than crumpled into my arms. I just held her for a while till she stopped.

Then the worst thing that could possibly happen happened.


	3. I End This Mans Whole Career

Logans P.O.V

I had finished crying while dally was holding me when a blue t-bird full of rich looking kids pulled up next to us, "Hey pretty lady," the guy in the drivers seat said, "why don't you leave this filthy greaser and have fun with us?" I didn't even use words I just punched him in the nose so hard it nocked him out cold. Dally looked between me, the kid I knocked out, and the rest of the socs in the car a few times very confused. then one of the guys in the car started to get out all I heard dally say was run and I was off.

he screamed to follow him and I did I followed him past a park, a vacant lot, and into an old rundown looking neighbor hood he turned and jumped a fence that ran around a house, and I just followed his lead. he walked into the house without knocking and screamed "I'm here!" to no one in particular and went into the living room and very nice looking boys were all sitting around.

they all looked at dally then their eyes trailed to me and stayed on me. "So who is this broad, she looks to young for ya' dal." a boy wearing a Micky mouse muscle shirt spoke up.

"guys this is my sister Logan, Logan this is the gang," I waved shyly as he added, "and she is off limits to all of you!" he said that last part really loud.

then I hear the one with his hair greased back in complicated swirls mumble, "well some of us are young enough to date her." I don't think dally heard it though because he didn't do anything about it. I just took a step closer to dally.

one of them started introduced them self, "hi Logan, my name is sodapop..." his voice trailed off as I looked at him he was relatively tall with a sharp jawline, brown har that was greased back, and he had sparkling blue/green eyes to complete his movie star looks. I tuned back in to hear him say, "I'm 16 soon to be 17."

The one in the Mickey Mouse shirt stood up and towered over me as he introduced himself as two-bit. He had a lot of extra grease in his rust colored hair, a beer in his hand, and his smile looked like it was used a lot.

Then the one who had mumbled earlier introduced himself, "hi-a princess, you really do look beautiful, my name is Steve Randal." I gave him a death stare until he almost shrunk back under my glare.

A younger looking boy spoke next, "hi I'm ponyboy, this here is my friend Johnny cade." the one who spoke -- Ponyboy -- had dark brown hair that was greased back, and his eyes were a beautiful grey/green color. the other boy -- Johnny -- had a darker, more Italian looking, complexion. he had big, chocolate colored eyes and was wearing a fearfilled expression.

a few minutes after I had met the boys a tall muscular one walked in. he had dark brown greased back hair that stuck out in front. he wore a hardened expression, accompanied by terrifying pale blue-green pieces of ice for eyes. "Hey I'm Darry Curtis, Pony and Soda's older brother." he introduced himself. he put his hand up and I flinched thinking he was gonna hit me. he saw me flinch and put his hand back down at his side.

we all sat down around the living room on the couches and floor but I stayed close to dally.

********************

we had been talking for a while now and it was becoming dark outside. "hey, y'all want to stay for dinner?" Darry asked dally as everyone was getting ready to leave.

"uh- we really shouldn't-" he started

I poked him in the side to get his attention. he looked down at me and I nodded my head, he then looked to darry "sure" dally said. we walked into the kitchen to find soda and pony sitting at the table while dally was getting the rest of the food I sat next to soda with dally across from me next to pony and darry at the head of the table.

Soda's P.O.V

Logan still hadn't said anything yet and I was starting to think that she was a mute. "Hey dal' is she a mute?" I asked him quietly at the dinner table.

"actually I have a very extensive vocabulary it is just that I don't like new people. take that into consideration next time before you just assume that people are mute or disabled." Logan responds. I shrink under her glare almost falling out of my chair. pony and dally just laugh at me as I'm struggling to stay in my chair.

I finally situate myself in the chair and just look at my plate, hoping no one can see the shade of red my face and ears have now turned.

we finished diner in silence after that.

***************

we played games for a bit after dinner, just hanging out when dally pulled darry aside. amongst their whispering I only heard a few of the words that were exchanged, "stay here?" "sure" "thanks man, wouldn't be askin if I didn't have to." they both came back into the room and I looked away to Logan to find her staring at me. she turned away quickly.

Logan's P.O.V

I was looking at soda while he was turned away when he suddenly looked at me, I turned away looking at the ground, feeling him stare at me now.

dally stalked over to me and squatted whispering, "hey kid, I know you just found me but you gonna have to say here for a bit, just till I can find us a place of our own. okay?"

"okay" I responded quietly trying not to show emotion in my words. he got up and left lighting up a smoke.

"Logan," darry addressed me "you will be staying in our parents old room. its at the end of the hallway, last door to the left."

"thanks." I said trailing off. I grabbed my bag from by the door and went to the bed room. I grabbed a towel from the dresser, along with a t-shirt, a bra, underwear, and a pair of leggings from my bag. I walked to the bathroom I passed on my way to the room. I went in and locked the door behind me. I took a shower, dried off, and got dressed. I walked out and was about to go to my room when I heard someone wolf whistle.

I turned around to see two-bit and Steve standing in the living room staring at me. i just turn back towards the hallway and began to walk when I heard one of them call out, "hey cutie, what are you doing taking a shower here?" I turned towards them to see it was two-bit who was cracking the jokes, I calmly walked towards him to see him with a big smirk crossing his face. "ya gonna kiss me or somethin' ?" he asks. that was the last straw with this kid, I deck him and feel a crunch under my fist, I broke his nose.

I smile to myself and say, "I would never kiss you. and don't call me cute."

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!" Steve screamed at me. he went to take a swing at me but I ducked and hit two-bit in the eye. I just kicked him in the balls and then left them there going to the room I was staying in, locking the door behind me. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow from a long day of stuff.


	4. Please Don't Wake Up

TW: ABUSE

I woke up to a soft clattering of pots and pans in the kitchen. I got up still not entirely positive on where I was, but managed to find the kitchen. I walked into the kitchen and found sodapop standing there with two pots on the floor around him. He blushed when he noticed me. "Hey Pepsi-cola, need some help?" I called to him picking up a pan and putting it on the stove.

"Yeah sure Lolo you can help by setting the table."

"No"

"So you can call me Pepsi-cola but I can't call you lolo?"

"Exactly" I responded, opening all the cupboards to find the plates and silverware. I finished setting the table and soda told me to go get Darry.

I tiptoed into his room and started to whisper, "Darry, hey time to wake up" but he flipped over and it scared me causing me to trip and hit his lamp, which made it fall and break. I scrambled out of his room and behind sodapop, scared of what was gonna happen.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON OUT HERE?!?!" darry hollered through the house.

_Flashback_

_"C'mere ya little twerp!" my dad yelled at me, i had just tried to make breakfast but accidentally dropped the pan. It woke him up and he was pissed. He finally got me wrapping his arms around me and holding me so hard it bruised. Then he dropped me, knowing I wouldn't be able to run now, and kicked my stomach so hard I threw up. "THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR BEING SO FUCKING STUPID!!! YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR MOTHER DIED AND YOUR BROTHER LEF!" he yelled his words oozing with venom. Then, just for good measure he punched me in the eye._

_End Flashback_

"I-Im really sorry you guys i didn't mean to" I stuttered out.


	5. I Can't

"Hey, hey it's ok, no ones gonna hurt you," Darry reached out, I ducked behind sodapop.

"Hey ok it ok, we're not gonna hurt you," soda calmed me down. "Do you want me to go get dally?"

"N-No, I'll be fine"

"Ok just go have a seat in the living room while darry and I make breakfast." i left to living room but overheard their conversation,

"Hey what was all that about?" darry questioned soda

"I don't know, I think her old man was hittin' her, she acted kinda like johnny."

"Yeah, okay, lets get breakfast done"

\---------------------

"Breakfast!" Darry called, by now all the boys had shown up, and pony had come downstairs. We all sat around the table talking and having fun.

"So, what are the plans for today?" I ask everyone.

"Me and steve and darry got work, but that's it." soda answered me.

"Cool, so why don't we all hang out here tonight?"

"Uh, sure!"the boys replied in unison smiling.

\--------------------

"Cool what do yall wanna do?" pony asked.

"Let's play truth or dare!" I replied

"Um i'll go first!"two bit announced, "uh, Logan! If you could be a superhero, or villain, what would your power be?"

"I don't really know; I guess I would have metamorph, the same powers as mystique from x-men."

"Hey, sodapop where's your sister at?" dally spoke up

"She's at camp this week she's coming home... tomorrow actually" sodapop said.

"No way. You have a sister?" I inquired curiously

"Yeah. her name's Monica, you would actually really like her!"

"Ok, but i got stuff to do like find a house so i'm not gonna be around much the next few days, so when I'm done with that i will drop by and meet her!"

"Cool back to the game," pony announced, "soda, truth or dare?"

"Truth"

"Lame! Anyways, tell logan how you feel."

Sodas face fell, and then he turned to me, "I like you Logan, I like you, a lot, as a matter of fact I'm in love with you."

Dally looked at me like he knew what I was about to tell soda.

"Soda, can I talk to you in the kitchen? Please?"

"Uh, yea," soda answered a ping of sadness in his voice. We made our way to the kitchen, closing the door behind us.

"Um soda there's something I need to say," I fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt. "I um, I have a hard time feeling feelings, for guys, I kinda play for both teams. And i don't wanna hurt you so i'm not gonna date you just to break your heart because i don't feel the same way."

"Thats, that's okay Logan, I can help you play more for this team."

"NO! Soda you can't, because I can't!" I started to raise my voice at him. I then walked out of there announcing I was going for a walk


	6. A Girl In The Gang

For the past week I've been looking for a house or a place to stay, avoiding soda as best I could. I'd been staying at bucks in the room next to dallys but not seeing him as much as I had wanted.

\------------------

Dally and I had been sitting in his room at bucks just talking when we heard someone yell "Dally!" from downstairs

"Shit man you gotta go!" he told me in a sort of panic, i didnt move, i wanted to find out who this was.

Soon enough there was a girl at the door calling dally again but before she could open it, dally answered the door. I just realized how suspicious it probably looked cause he was shirtless, but whatever.

"Hey doll, what are you doing here?" dal asked the girl.

"I just.. Whose that?" she pointed behind him at me.

Dal stepped away from the door so I finally got a good look at the girl. She was very cute.

She had nice brown wavy hair that reached just past her shoulders, just long enough to put in a ponytail, and she had these nice hazel eyes that sparkled when the light hit them. Her skin was paler than most of the gang. She was wearing a tight red crop top with a pair of dark baggy jeans, leaving some of the skin on her abdomen exposed. She was so skinny you could count her ribs easily. She had on some badass looking black combat boots as well.

"So you tell everyone I'm your girl, which wasn't supposed to happen, and then hang around with this broad?!" she raised her voice at the end, putting her hands on her hips all sassily.

"Broad?!" i stood up and pulled out my six inch blade "well shit." she said as i ran up and tackled her to the ground, I held my blade up to her throat laughing.

"A fighting broad."she smirked and tried to take my blade, which failed because I just slapped her across the face.

I watched as she held her cheek while dally dragged me off of the girl.

"Ya know," she sat up, still holding her cheek, "I woulda hit her back if she weren't so pretty."

"Fuck you" I said giving her the sme stare that scared my principal.

Dally sighed and paced the room.

"Look this is Logan my..." he looked at me and I gave the girl across from me a dirty look. "My, sister"

She looked at him with wide eyes then at me. I smirked and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed "yea holy shit." i giggled

"Monica, this is Logan, my sister. Logan this is Monica my..." he looked at her as if asking permission to say something. She gave him a firm nod and he finished his sentence, "girlfriend."

I nodded slowly, looking monica up and down, "she's good looking."

"Thanks, you're not too bad looking yourself." she commented.

Dally cackled then said, "well i'll leave you two to yourselves to talk." he grabbed his shirt and walked downstairs.

\---------------------

Dal Had only been gone for a few minutes but I was already making myself comfortable on his bed lying down and sprawling out.

"I like you" i said

"Why do you say that?" she questioned raising her brows.

"Cause you're the first person i've met to not be scared when i pull out this baby." I waved my switch in the air to show it off. I put it on the bed and chuckled.

"It's what greasers do" she shrugged. I furrowed my brows, sitting up and crossing my arms. "Girls can be greasers? Not just either a soc or a hood?" she nodded

"So I'm a greaser?" I skepticized

"I-I guess," she stuttered, "you gotta meet the gang-"

I cut her off, "i've already met them."

She tilted her head then zoned out a bit. "Are you the girl that broke two-bits nose?" i nodded my head and smiled.

We talked about the gang for a bit, and my past, and I might have shed a tear of relief at having someone to talk to.

Then we heard a loud yell.

Buck stuck his head in the room, "um ladies dals drunk."

"Uh oh" we said in unison looking at each other before we shot up and sprinted downstairs.


	7. White Interior

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me" I mumbled running down the stairs. Dally has gotten into a fight with the one and only Tim Shepard. I kept trying to rip dall off the guy but he kept getting out of my hold.

"Hey!" I heard Monica yell. Dallys attention turned towards Monica and his expression softened as he whispered her name. "Stop it!" Monica yelled. My attention turned back towards the fight just as Tim got another good swing on dally.

"M-my sis-sister can b-beat-" before he could finish, Tim swung again. I quickly flicked out my blade and held it to Tim.

"You leave. Right now!" I screamed the last sentence at the top of my lungs.

\-----------------------

"Ill be fine, i did a bunch of drag races back in new york." i sighed and pulled on my jeans.

"No its- it's not fair! I mean, he didn't even think twice!" Monica was pacing the room, concerned about me being in this race.

Dally had signed me up to race against someone in the shepherd gang. 

"Like I said i'll be perfectly fine." she was still mad but had seemingly calmed down a little bit.

"So, when are you gonna tell darry that you and my brother are dating?" I sat down on dallys bed crossing my legs.

She stopped pacing and looked at me stuttering out "w-what?"

"When are you gonna tell darry?" I repeated.

She sat next to me and sighed

"I dunno man... i cant- he won't understand"

"Yeah but, maybe he will understand." I looked over at her.

"Nah he's too... he uses his head too much, and apparently i don't use mine enough." she rested her head on her palm, pouting.

"You use your head, you don't use it wisely because your dating my brother; but still..." she laughed at my small joke. I just smiled at her.

"I guess..." she shrugged and we talked for a little while longer.

\------------------

I woke up to the sun shining in my eyes. I got up and got ready, pulling on my light colored high waisted jeans, pulling my black belt through the loops. I pulled on my black crop top, that was basically just a bra and my black hightop converse. I went to the dresser to put on my racing makeup, black winged liner, cherry red lipstick and some mascara. I greased my hair back so it was all out of my face.

I walked downstairs to see a beautiful girl there. "Hey cutie," I winked at her walking up to the bar, "you care to come with me to pick something up from the soc side of town?"

"Only if it's dangerous" she responded with a smirk playing on her lips.

"My names logan."

"Angela" as we shook hands I noticed her long, brown hair and sharp eyes, she looked like she always got her way and always pouted to do it. I pulled her towards me and my arm around her shoulders. We walked out and made our way to go try not to get our asses beat.

We walked towards the house of some soc who owes me a car. I looked at the ride I was picking up and whistled, a Shelby GT350, a cherry red exterior, with white interior, it was manual, and boy was it pretty. I went up to the door and asked for the keys, he gave me them, his head hanging low.

We got in the car and I turned to Angela, "what team do you play for?"

"Both" she answers me simply.

I started up the car, the engine roared loudly. I turned the music up as loud as possible and rolled the windows down. We went to the dingo for a late lunch and then made our way to main street where the race was held.


	8. Stick Shift

I pulled up to the starting line and turned the car off, hopping out and going around to open Angela's door for her. She got out and we stood against the car just talking.

"Logan!" I heard someone call through the street where a crowd was gathering.

I turned away from angela, "oh, hey, monica!" they rushed over to us while Steve drooled, staring at my car.

"Pretty nice, huh?" I said to him, running my finger across it.

"Super nice..." he trailed off. This boy had a major crush on my car.

"I wish you luck, fair lady." Monica bowed to me speaking in an english accent.

"Thanks," I laughed out. Angela giggled from behind me and I could feel my face heat up.

"So, Steve was wondering if he could ride with you for the race?" Monica asked me.

"Uh yeah sure." I answered. Steve giggled jumping up and down like a little girl.

"Good luck to you winston" curly had an ignorant smirk on his face.

"It's not like you're going to win" monica spat back, crossing her arms.

"You watch your mouth broad!" curly stuck his finger out at monica, hopping into his car. She tried to go at him but soda held her back and calmed her down.

Steve got into the passenger seat of my mustang, buckling up. Johnny and pony looked like they were in their own world so i didn't say hi, but dally and monica looked like they were enjoying themselves.

I hopped in the car and grabbed my racing tape putting it in the car's tape player turning it all the way up, I then waited for Angela giving the go ahead with her flags.

Tape:

A little less conversation- elvis presley

Hound dog- elvis presley

Paint it black- the rolling stones

Whole lotta love-led zepplin

Angela waved the flags telling us to start. I stepped on the gas, switching gears. I kept speeding up and switching gears keeping ahead of curly, then I noticed the cop car parked so we would t-bone him if we kept going.

Rather than slowing down like he and steve were expecting i sped up switching to 2nd gear i moved towards the right of the street aiming for the back right panel of the cops car. I hit it causing the cop to spin to the left side of the street while steve screamed at me, "are you fucking crazy?!?!"

I just kept going as curly maneuvered around the cop slowing him down a bit. Steve saw that we were aproaching the finish line and I changed back to first gear and sped up even more.

I had passed 100 mph now when suddenly someone jumped right in front of the car. I hit the emergency brake so the wheels stopped spinning then i turned the car so we just barely missed the person in the street steve still screaming at me for being crazy. I turned off the emergency break and gassed for about a half mile then hit the emergency brakes again leaving smoke in our path from the friction.

The car came to a stop about 50 yards after the finish line and curly came to a stop next to us soon after. We got out of our cars and shook hands.

"Good try man, but i guess you just got beat by a girl." I whispered to him.

He leaned close to me and whispered, "fuck you."

I just turned and walked to Angela, "hey dollface, i think your brother hates me now." she giggled and blushed at the nickname i gave her, "also, you didn't tell me you were gonna have a costume change while i was gone." I wrapped my arms around her now exposed stomach hugging her from behind.

"Awwwwe you're so cute when you're jealous!" she said and booped my nose. A crowd began to gather around us so stood up straight while everyone pat me on the back and cheered me on for beating curly.

Dally came up to me last and gave me a big hug, ruffling my hair, "that was so good little sis"

"Okay first off, don't ruffle my hair it takes forever to get it to stay back like this, and second off, don't call me little sis when i could beat you up and everyone knows it."

He just chuckled brushing it off and pulling out smoke, "got a light?"

"Always" I pulled out my silver lighter, flicked it open and lit his cancer stick. "TO BUCKS FOR THE AFTERPARTY!!" I announced to everyone there hopping back in my car.

Angela hopped in too when Steve finally got out. I wrapped my arm around her on the back of the seats. We pulled out to head to bucks.

\--------------------

We pulled up to bucks and she grabbed my face and kissed me before I could do anything else. We kissed for a little while longer before hopping out and heading into bucks getting a beer each.

I kissed her again then pulled back, "so you my girl now or what?"

"I mean i thought that was obvious based on the way i've been kissing up on ya" was her only response.

We started making out again when suddenly I heard my name get yelled from across the room. I turned around to see the whole gang looking at me shocked except for dally and sodapop.

They all walked up to us. I heard monica mumble, "that's why she looked so comfortable with angela before the race."

I looked at each of their faces and noticed Johnny and ponyboy looking at me in admiration. "Hey johnny pony can i talk to yall over there?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." pony answered sheepishly. We walked out of earshot of the rest of the gang and I looked between them. "Yall like each other, don't you?"

"I mean yeah kinda" they answered in unison, blushing.

"Well thats ok, and i want you guys to know that." i reassured them, "it's gonna be hard, it is, but that's ok because people like us that are confident enough to show it are special, and the people that accept us will protect us. And you need to understand, as well that you are going to get called crude names by mean people who don't understand, but just know that wherever I am is a safe space where you will be protected."

"T-thank you for that logan." Johnny gave me a soft smile and he grabbed ponys hand, ponyboy just blushed and grabbed Johnny's hand back.

We headed over towards the gang and when we got there i said, "johnny and pony have something to tell you and if you don't like it thats ok you just have to respect and be nice to them, because it doesn't change who they are as people."

I stepped out of in front of them and pony and johnny held up their connected hands. "Hey," sodapop grabbed ponyboys shoulder, "that's ok, and we support you." soda turned towards me, "and we support you too."

"well thank you sodapop, that means a lot to me." I thanked him.

We spent the rest of the night hanging out, drinking, and smoking.  
  



	9. Emotions

I woke up in my room at bucks next to Angela shepard. She was wrapped around my body digging her face into my chest, making herself comfey at my expense. 

I played with her hair, looking at her cute little face as she slept. Her eyes fluttered open, "good morning doll" i greeted her in a rougher voice than usual, "what're you starin' at cutie?"

"Just admiring how perfect your face and eyes are," she said quietly. "Oh shit!" she shot up out of the bed, "we gotta go, i was supposed to have breakfast with my brothers." She finished pulling on her combat boots and I took a look at her. She was wearing a small crop top, and jean shorts that her ass was hanging out of.

"Ya know you look really cute in that outfit, but i think it would look better on the floor." i said , scooching towards the end of the bed and giving her a kiss.

"No" she said stoubernley, "we gotta go, i promised them!" She gave me a pouty face with big doe eyes I just couldn't resist.

"Fine," I answered, wrapping my arms around her waist. "But only cause i love you"

She gave me a peck on the lips, "get ready"

I grumbled but tugged on my jeans buckling my belt and cuffing my jeans. I pulled on a shirt with mystique from x-men on it then pulled out my grey crewneck sweatshirt.

"But were only leaving if you put this on"

Now it was her turn to grumbel, but she put it on. I pulled on my black hightop converse and we walked down the steps hand in hand. We walked out to my car and hopped in, driving to the shepherd household.

When we pulled up and Tim Scowled at me, as if just because i was a winston i was gonna slash his tires or something. "Hey angela, you're home! We need to talk." curly ended with a certain deadness in his voice.

We got out of the car, me once again opening angela's door. We walked in the house to see some pancakes and similar breakfast foods sitting on the table in their small kitchen. We all took seats around the table, me and angela sitting next to each other, tim and curly across from us.

"So, we heard from one of the brumley boys that was at the party last night that you two were kissing up on eachother," Tim confronted us. "Now you know that we don't support that lifestyle here!"

"Yeah we don't support faggots here!" curly chimed in, "even if you're my sister and she's a Winston!"

"Ok that's it bitch!" I said to him, raising my voice but still calm. Blood rushing through my ears, blocking out other noises. "You don't know much about me so I'll tell you something about me. I have an axis ii disorder, you know what that means, that means that when i beat your ass, i won't feel a thing. But you, however, will feel sorry, and pain, and hurt."

He took a swing and hooked my jaw, then did that till my mouth and nose were bleeding. I gave him a bloody toothed smile and laughed uncontrollably, maniacally.

I pulled him over the table and slammed him down on it. "Ya' know, i think that it's rude to hit a girl, but since you threw the first punch, i can hit you back."

I sat on his chest pinning one of his arms down on the table with my knee. I pulled his other arm then slammed down on it until I heard a pop and a scream.

His other arm was moving around and he got his non-broken arm from under me. He got a witch from I don't even know where, and sliced my cheek, deep, but not deep enough to form a scar.

I tried to move my head away but the blade only slipped cutting through my eyebrow, deeper than the first one.

I drew back my fist and in one last punch he was out. The blood stopped roaring in my ears and I looked around finally realizing what I had done.

_NO! You told yourself this wasn't going to happen! Not again!_

Angela was screaming at me to stop trying to get me off of her brother who was now passed out in front of me.

I just got up silently, not laughing, not crying, just numb again, and silent. I got up, looked at my girlfriend, tears streaming down her face, terrified of me.

I walked out the front door to find the only person that could ground me besides alex, dally.


	10. Dreams

TW: abuse, self harm, mental issues, suicide, ect. Read this chapter with caution. I also do not condone or agree with racism, sexism, and homophobia. If you are feeling suicidal, and feel the need to cut please talk to someone, may it be me, a friend, a parent/guardian, tell someone who can help you and just know, it will get better.

**_dream/flashback_ **

_He picked me up and slammed me onto the concrete floor, my head thumping the ground. My dad had gotten drunk while dally was out partying again. I hit the ground so hard I passed out._

_\-----_

_I woke up to my dad also on the ground and dally holding my hand. He was crying?_

_When I started moving around, Dally looked up, "logan?!" he yelled, smiling relieved._

_"Yeah?" i responded slightly monotonously, "the last thing i remembered was dad throwing me on the ground and my head hit cement." i wasn't crying, but i felt like i should be._

_"Ok you're ok cause you are awake, can hear, can see, and move." he responded quickly. "Yup" he reassured himself, still crying a bit._

_\--------------------------------_

_It had been a week since the incident, and I hadn't been feeling right. I felt numb, empty, like something was wrong or missing._

_I guessed dal had noticed too cause he was collecting all the money we had, droning on about going to the hospital to get me checked out._

_\-----_

_We walked into the hospital and dally pulled out a heater threatening and demanding for me to get checked out._

_Within a few minutes we were in the office being asked questions by the doc. He was asking like why we were here and we told him about the fact that dad had abused me, and he asked how i had been feeling recently, and he explained to me how i probably had brain damage causing me an axis ii disorder._

_Once this was over he explained that some emotions would be easier for me to feel than others and I would have to figure what those were out on my own. He also told us that on the sale of functioning i was about a 70-80 which was high functioning and still pretty good. We found out that there wasn't much we could do about it and we walked out, dally just poured the money in his lap and we walked out._

_\---------------------_

_It had been about three or four days since we got a diagnosis and I was just walking the streets, looking for trouble since I had decided to skip school._

_I was just walking when someone cat called me. He walked over to me and squeezed my ass and I turned and slapped him. He punched me back and I pulled out my switch, I stabbed him in the arm._

_I pulled it out, him screaming, and moved it to his stomach. He was bleeding all over me, and most people would be crying cause I probably just killed him but I was in a rage and I was just mad, not sad, mad._

_I walked down the street blood on me and went to the closest store. I ran in and walked up to the only rich looking kid there, some kid from school. I punched him and we got into a brawl, fists and limbs flying everywhere._

_I was finally stopped by Alex who yanked me off the dude, I just punched him and held my switch to his neck, not recognizing him._

_That's when dally came in and disarmed me just wrapping his arms around me, taking everything i threw, he just whispered small promises to me in an attempt to calm me down._

_When i realized i wasn't gonna get out i finally gave up and just let him hold me._

_\---------------------_

_I was tired of feeling numb. For the past weeks since I killed a dude, I felt numb, mad, and the occasional love for two seconds when dally or alex would calm me down from my episodes, as we called them._

_I was tired of it. I took my blade and cut my wrists instead of my legs, almost deep enough to hit my major vien. I cut a few more times then hit the vein._

I awoke with a start in a cold sweat next to dally, who had tear stained cheeks.


	12. Conversations and Healing

_**TW: hey yall so, this chapter contains some cutting and suicidal thoughts, and i just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in this world no matter how it feels, and keep fighting. And also if you are experiencing any of these things please talk to a trusted adult. Thank you for reading and sticking with me even though it took me so long to update.** _

_**~J** _

I woke up in a cold sweat next to dally, who had tear stained cheeks. Instead of waking Dallas up I let him sleep, he needed it. I got up slowly, carefully and made my way to the bathroom, hearing the rest of the gang talking to a familiar voice.

"Angela" I whispered beneath my breath. I got into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. With my ear pressed to it I listened in to their conversation.

_"And she talked about an axis two something or other before she went crazy and almost killed Curly with her bare hands. And then when she stopped she just got up, looked at me blankly, and walked out speeding in her car to go, here, I guess."_ it was muffled but i heard her through the door, her voice shaking as she spoke.

_I had promised myself I wouldn't go berserk again_. I thought to myself pulling out my blade, switching it open.

_I promised dally I wouldn't hurt anyone while I was here._ I put it to my wrist, since I was wearing jeans.

_I promised Angela I would tell her everything, no secrets._ I slid the blade seeing a bit of blood bubble up from the slit in my skin.

I did that again and again till there was blood dribbled on my light wash jeans, along with the many other stains. I got up when all i felt was pain, at least i wasn't numb. Was my only thought towards it. I then grabbed toilet paper and held it on the cuts putting pressure to stop the bleeding. When it had finally stopped I unlocked and opened the door and went downstairs.

"Good god logan!" Monica exclaimed, I then remembered that my face was covered in blood and a few bruises from curly. "Let's get you cleaned up." she finished her statement sitting me down on the couch.

Darry came over and grabbed my chin taking a good look at my cuts, "soda, go get the med kit, needle, and thread." soda wet and got them and Darry got the peroxide out along with some cotton balls. "This may sting a bit." he stated before placing the cotton ball to the cut along my cheek bone.

I sucked in air between my teeth creating a small noise. Angela came over and sat next to me grabbing my hand, squeezing it. "Hey Ange,'' I started, '' I'm sorry for what happened, but what I said was true, I am just numb all the time, there's no fixing it. Love is hard for me but I've worked on it and I'm happy that I was able to meet you. Anger is easy for me, that's why I show it so much. It happened because of a head injury I got when i was little."

"I understand." she stated and leaned in and kissed me.

"So you were dropped on your head as a baby and now you're crazy?" two-bit joked.

"Ill show you crazy, dumbass." i began to stand up, but Darry pushed me back down and grabbed the already threaded needle. He put it near my eyebrow.

"Now stay still or else you're gonna have an even worse scar." his voice was steady and the level at which he spoke seemed to calm me. I stayed still, wincing every once in a while at the feeling, still holding onto Angela's hand.

Dally bursted out of sodapops room screaming, "Where's Logan?!" he scurried down the stairs.

"She's in here!" johnnycakes responded. I noticed he had been holding hands with pony, them pecking each other on the lips every once in a while.

"Hey dal," Monica stood up walking to him, "Logan is fine darry is stitching up the cuts curly gave her now let's go get her blood cleaned off of you."

"No she's not fine, you don't know her like i do!" he retaliated

Eventually he followed her to the bathroom, the door suspiciously closing behind them.

I realized that I didn't flush the bloody toilet paper and that he would see it.

As soon as Darry finished my stitches I sprinted up the stairs, brushing into the bathroom. Rather than seeing Monica holding a towel to dally's face rubbing at the dried blood, I saw the two in a heated makeout session dally sitting on the sink, his shirt off.

When they looked at me I just turned away and grabbed my stomach making retching noises while pretending to puke. "What's goin' on up there?!" I heard Darry holler throughout the house. He soon appeared in the doorway to see Monica in between Dal's legs and Dally shirtless. "Dallas winston if you don't get the hell away from my baby sister and downstairs right now youre gonna be one sorry soul."

Dall hopped down, put his shirt on and walked out pulling out a smoke. I followed him out to the front porch pulling out a cancer stick of my own and lighting it.

"I know what you did." he stated bluntly.

"You did?" I questioned.

"Yeah, Logan, I'm your older brother do you think i don't know what you do?" he took a drag

"I mean I kinda hoped you wouldn't remember."

"How many," another drag, "how many cuts did you make?"

"Ten." I stated.

"Can i see?"

"What's the point in refusing?" I flipped over my forearms to reveal all of the old scars and the new cuts.

"You gotta stop this, Logan." he stomped out his cigarette. "You gotta stop before you decide to not stop or you decide that you didn't cut deep enough, and then no ones there to help you."

"I know, and I'm trying, I really am. It's just so hard when i go from feeling so angry to feeling nothing so fast. I just wanna not feel so goddamned numb!" I raised my voice at the end and dropped my weed, stomping on it.

"Ok, that's ok." his voice stayed steady, and calm.

"I'm sorry for getting mad. I just wish i could feel something other than that."

"I know and I get that. I'm gonna stay out here for a bit and look at the stars some more, you go inside and learn to love."

**hey, sorry if this is bothersome, but I just wanted to say this, I feel like dally liked looking at the stars because it showed that even in the darkest parts of the night there is still light and beauty.**


	13. Learning to Love

The door clattered shut behind me. as I entered the small house, all attention turned towards me. "Hey, guys..." I sheepishly waved to the gang and went and took a seat next to Angela.

I leaned back on the couch and rested my hand on Angela's thigh. "Hey baby," she greeted me, "ya know, that cut on your eyebrow is gonna scar up real nice, and it's gonna make you look real hot." She leaned in so at the end I felt her breath on my lips, she then pulled me in and kissed me. Hard.

When I came out of a state of utter euphoria I heard a wolf whistle. I looked over and down on the ground to see two staring at us and I started to get up but Angela hugged my waist tight, not letting me go.

"Just one little punch," I begged, "it'll only hurt a bit!" I finally got out of her grip and scrambled over to two pinning him down.

"Are ya gonna kiss me now or what?" He smirked.

Ugh! I exclaimed, I socked him once in the jaw and got up returning to Angela. I grabbed her hand and sat back down.

"Nice," Monica said, smiling at me. Dally finally came back in and took his place on the other couch next to Monica.

On the couch it was me and Angela, and Johnny and Pony. On the other couch was Dally and Monica who was basically sitting on his lap as she giggled. Next to them was soda and Steve. In his chair was Darry shooting daggers with his eyes at my brother who looked slightly uncomfortable but was playing along with what Monica was doing. And two-bit was sitting on the floor with a beer.

There were a few different conversations going on in the room but from what I could tell, two soda and Steve were talking about girls especially how soda was gonna propose to sandy. Darry was silently trying to kill dally while Monica just flirted with dally, lots of giggling happening. Johnny and Pony were just talking about some book, and Angela was hopping in with any conversation she could.

She was still wearing those booty shorts and that crop top but she had decided to take off the sweatshirt I gave her so she was sitting in my lap so that I could put my arms around her to cover her up, I could see two-bit eyeing her.

"Aye Angela!" Two-bit halered causing everyone to shut up, "why don't you drop that greaser trash and come hang with me!"

"Hey Two-Butt!" I yelled back, "why don't you stop being greaser trash and come fight with me!"

This got a laugh from everybody. That's how the night continued on, just us sitting around, laughing, not a care in the world. I just held onto Angela, watching the joy in the room.


	14. Hospitals

**TW: ED, cutting scars**

I woke up on the floor in the middle of the curtis' living room with my arms wrapped around Angela's waist. I got up slowly, doing my best not to disturb my girl. Once I was up I walked upstairs to Monica's room and knocked on the door.

I heard whining and then shuffling, soon monica came to the door. When she saw it was me she let me in opening the door fully. I saw dally with only his underwear on and Monica was in a bra and shorts, i ignored it and got to the reason i was in here, "do you have any clothes i can borrow i don't wanna go all the way to bucks for clothes."

"Uh, yeah sure!" she said walking to her drawer. She pulled out a pair of rather short jean shorts and a revealing red spaghetti strap crop top.

"Thanks," I said taking it to the bathroom connected to her room and changing. The shorts revealed my ass and cutting scars across my thighs along my bikini line, and went up to about my belly button. The shirt went down and revealed the top of my breasts and went to just above my belly button, showing a bit of skin.

I stepped out of the bathroom to see dally staring at me. "A-are you sure you wanna wear those shorts?" it was a mix of a question and a statement, like he was telling me to change but also asking if i wanted to wear it.

"It's fine dal, I mean the gang already knows." I said in a tone showing I didn't care. I hopped down the steps so I could be with Angela again, to find her standing there jaw dropped at my clothes.

"I'm sorry, these were the only clothes monica had that she could lend me." I apologized, faking remorse in my voice. She just enveloped me in a hug, "I'm sorry baby, i'm so, so sorry," she kept repeating it. I stayed stiff not knowing what to do.

"Why are you sorry you didn't do anything." I replied slightly confused, why was she apologizing?

"You never told me you cut yourself!" she exclaimed, pulling away and looking at me scar covered thighs.

"that's why i never wear shorts."

"Why do you do it? Why do you cut?" her voice was full of hurt and pity for me.

"Cause I deserve it. Cause when you are numb, you want to feel something, and sometimes the only feeling you can create is pain you take it." I shrugged but was becoming infuriated. "Because it ain't right to hurt everyone around you, and not get hurt!" I was yelling, not because I was mad at her but me. "Because i would rather die, than continue to feel numb!" I screamed at her.

She stepped back fear flashing in her eyes but only for a second, before they became sad again.

We walked into the kitchen to find pony, and Darry making breakfast. We were sitting down at the table and I pulled out a chair for her, she took it but laid across it covering my thighs with her head and long chocolate colored hair.

"To cover them up, so you don't have to see them." she explained and smiled a small smile up at me.

Monica and dal soon came downstairs with sodapop, luckily everyone was clothed. And then the rest of the gang came inside and sat at the table.

It was a slow saturday morning and before any of us knew it it was one in the afternoon. I had noticed Monica didn't eat much but brushed it off to that she maybe wasn't hungry today.

I looked over at Monica and nodded, we had been planning this outing for a week. We got up "darry, we're going out to the mall." Us girls got up and I grabbed my keys from the coffee table.

"Were gonna get you some new clothes." she said hopping in the back. I opened angela's door and then ran around the car and hopped over the door and into my seat. I revved the engine a few times before actually pulling out of the driveway.

\-----------------

When we finally arrived in price city at the mall we had been driving for about an hour. We all got out and walked into the mall.

I eyed the stores that looked easy to 'borrow' from. I marked a few and then went in and nicked some small items. Then I saw a pair of combat boots that I was in love with. I opened my bag and put them in, then we left to find something else to do.

\---------------

As we were leaving the mall monica looked dizzy, then all at once she collapsed. We got her into the car and I pulled out of the parking lot. As soon as we were on the road I broke 100 mph. We got her to a hospital in 15 minutes and I called the boys so they knew where to go to get here.

When I was finally alone just trying to get some water someone came up behind me. "Hey, i got this new drug that helps you feel emotions better." It was a man in a white lab coat and a stethoscope around his neck.

"Okay?" I responded confused.

"You're loan winston right?" he asked me.

"Yes."

"Well your friend told me about your... issue... and i thought you would like to try it out."

"Okay," I mean this dude seemed like a doctor.

I grabbed the pill bottle out of his hand and took it with me to my seat next to angela.


	15. Memories

**TW: ED, self harm.**

I turned the bottle in my hands reading the label over and over again. Something about this doesn't seem right. The bottle says one a day, but it has my name on it, who could have known I would be here today?

"Hey babe, what's that you have?" Angela asked, gesturing towards the pill bottle in my hand.

"Oh nothing, just something some random doctor gave me." I responded doing my best not to draw attention to myself.

After sitting in a minute or two of silence the boys rushed in. Darry, soda, dally, ponyboy, Johnny, and two-bit, all of them at once.

They spotted me and walked up to me, "where is she?" Darry demanded more than asked.

"I'm sure dal' could tell ya'" I responded, pointing to Dallas who was hustling one of the nurses to find out where Monica was. He then rushed through one of the doors and down a hallway, all of us following.

When Angela and I finally got into the room, Dally and Monica were holding hands and everyone was surrounding them. Monica was talking.

"I'm sorry y'all, I-I just, I guess I thought that if I was pretty li-like mom, they would come back, s-so I stopped eating to try and become skinny like her, and then when I realized they were really gone it was too late." She was crying by the end and kept stuttering through her sentence.

"I'm so sorry you felt that way," Darry's voice was so soft, it was barely recognizable, "you should have told us, we would have helped you."

"Yeah, I'm good at that stuff," two-bit chimed in, "my mom became a binge eater, and slit her wrists, and tried to off herself, when my dad left us, and were still in a constant battle with it, but she's getting better."

"Yeah, like I know I myself struggle with that stuff," I piped up, "I may not be able to empathize with you like the others do but I sure as hell can help you fight it."

"I mean I talk about ending it all the time." Johnny was speaking now, raising his voice, "I don't wanna live in a household that hates each other. And I sure as hell don't want to live in a house where I get beat everyday!"

"Yeah, baby," dally started, "you know I could help you." He rolled up his left arm sleeve revealing scars from the base of his hand all the way to the crease of his elbow.

"W-when I was 14," sodapop began, "I thought that I was ugly, because I wasn't as skinny, or as muscle-y as Darry. So I stopped eating, and I slimmed down and I worked out at the school gym, until I passed out. And one of my friends found me and gave me water, and force fed me. Everyday he watched me at lunch and made sure I ate food. We could have helped you, Monica, made sure you ate, made sure you were okay."

The room kinda got quiet after that, no one knew this about soda. and no one really said anything more, we were just content with being with each other. 


	16. Euphoria

Everyone was sitting or lying on the ground around Monica's cot either half asleep, or fully asleep, with the exception of dally who was lying on the cot with her and fully awake.

\--------------

In the morning as people were slowly waking up, Dally told us to go home, get a shower, and food, then to come back later. Angela and I were the first ones up so we left, trusting him to keep an eye on monica.

When we got to Buck's place I realized I was still wearing Monica's clothes, and a bra and underwear from three days ago. I realized Angela didn't have another change of clothes at the apartment.

"Hey, dollface?" i inquired, "i need to put on new clothes and get a shower, and so do you but you don't have any more clothes here. Want to go by your place when i'm done in the shower, to grab your stuff?"

"Sure honey, just go get a shower and change, then we'll leave."

I walked over to my dresser and grabbed a black bra and underwear, along with my extra pair of light wash jeans and socks, I also grabbed my 'borrowing' bag.

I went into the bathroom, connected to my room and peeled off the tight, old, dirty clothes. I heated up the water and hopped in, letting the water heat up my body. I washed everything and the day old grease out of my matted hair.

When everything felt clean I hopped out and dried myself off. Putting on the underclothes on then my jeans and a new plain red shirt. I tucked my shirt into my jeans and then did my belt. I put on my socks and then my new boots, cuffing my jeans.

I stepped out of the steam of the bathroom when I realised my hair was still wet. I went back and grabbed my towel, putting it to my head and rubbing my hair so that it would be only a little damp, I then grabbed a hair comb and combed my hair back, so it looked greased back.

I looked on the counter and saw that pill bottle, that the man had given me and slowly reached for it. I grabbed the bottle, and popped it open, pulling one pill out. I put it in my mouth, in the back of my throat, then leaned over the sink turning it on, cupping my palm, collecting the water, and sipping it, swallowing the pill too.

I got a sudden headache, leaning over the counter and just taking a moment, suddenly it was gone, and I was hit by pure euphoria. The pureness of it was gone but I could still feel the effects.

I stepped out of the bathroom and saw Angela just sitting there. I felt, something, I couldn't begin to tell you how good it felt. It felt like- happy, i was happy. This is how Alex had described it to me a thousand times, I finally felt happy.

"Hey, doll," I whispered over to Angela, smirking, "I took that- that, um, that medicine, that the doctor gave me, and I just- I just wanted t-to tell you, I-I love you."

"O-okay babes," she responded, "just be careful, there are some risks with medicine like this."

"I know and I will, I promise, let's go!" I laughed, it felt good, weird, but good. Angela laughed too, and we ran out of my room.

We drove to the shepherds praying, hoping, that the boys weren't there.

When we finally got there, no car was parked in the driveway, no one was home. We walked straight into the house through the front door and walked towards the back of the house, aware of our surroundings.

We found Angela's room and went in. I opened her drawers and grabbed what I thought was important, putting them in a duffel bag Angela set out for her stuff. She went into her closet grabbing some of her stuff, like I did. She then went into her bathroom and grabbed products such as soaps, make-up, a tooth brush, toothpaste, etcetera.

Then we left. We went to the Curtis house. When I was grabbing clothes from Monica's room the other day I remembered seeing a go-bag --A bag with an extra outfit, and stuff that's always ready to go in case of an emergency-- i grabbed it then hopped back in the car, racing to get back to the hospital.

On the road we had passed Darry's truck, probably had the gang piled in it except dally. Within about 30 minutes we were at the hospital where Monica was staying. We walked in and just walked to Monica's room, despite the protests of a few nurses.

When we got there Monica and Dally were in a heating make-out session. "Why me?!" i yelled in a joking manner, "why must i always walk into a room that y'all are doing this in?" my eyes were squeezed shut but i was laughing.

They both jerked up and apart from each other. "Shesh sis, have you ever thought of knockin'?" dally's accent was thicker than usual.

"I picked up clothes for ya' lovebirds." I threw the go-bag at dallas.

"Thanks mad hatter." dal responded.

"Yea no problem texas." I began to giggle.

"Logan, a-are you high?"

"No," I was trying to calm down.

"This doctor, he um, he gave her this medicine that gives her hormone supplements, they create all of the things her brain doesn't that makes her happy, sad, mad, disgusted..."

"They- they've made that? I thought there was no solution-"

"Well the doctor we saw ten years ago was wrong."


	17. Research

"I-I guess so," dally responded, he was stuttering, his voice sounded weird.

"What's wrong with you cowboy?" I smirked trying not to laugh at the nicknames we were exchanging, "you're voice is all weird, you keep stuttering."

"Ok sir laughs-a-lot," he held out his arms a little as if trying to seem bigger, "I'm fine, the doc just gave me a little something when she- uh- she saw i was cut-" he lifted up his shirt to show a bandage on his lower abdomen near his v-line, "and she had st-stitched me up."

"So YOU'RE the high one." I pointed a finger at him accusingly.

The two of us broke down in a fit of laughter, our girlfriends looking at eachother with the same confused look.

A doctor came in and we shut up. "Miss. curtis?"

"Yes, that's me," Monica responded.

"Okay, so you will be discharged from our hospital in half an hour, however, you must eat, and if you do not you will be forced to take vitamin supplements everyday."

\-----------------

DALLY'S P.O.V

When we all got back to the Curtis house everyone was asleep. I tapped Monica on the shoulder to wake her up and whispered, "hey doll, I'm going to the library."

"Ok, don't get yourself arrested." She replied groggily before turning over and falling back asleep.

I left the house running and went where no one would expect me to, the library. When I entered the rather large building I went straight for the computer and looked up the most recent drugs that were made. Nothing was listed that could change your mood--give you the types of hormones that her pills do.


	18. C'est la Vie

**hey y'all so just a little foot note, but the title of this chapter and the next few are the titles of songs by one of my favorite bands, weathers so go check them out, and hope you enjoy!**

**Logan's P.O.V**

I woke up and it was still dark out, I checked the clock in our room at bucks, four in the morning. I couldn't sleep so i got up, and put on the outfit i had borrowed from monica but with my doc martens instead of converse.

I went to the bathroom and this time took two instead of one. The rush was greater than the one before. I felt like I was floating, and it was magical.

When i came off the immediate high and didn't feel like i was buzzing i opened my eyes and crept downstairs and out the door. I got in my car and started it peeling out of the small rocky parking lot.

I pulled up to the Curtis house and threw rocks at Monica's window. Dal poked his head out, "c'mon texas, your girlfriend can come too."

"Okay?" He stated it like a question and went back inside.

Soon enough he came outside with monica at his side wearing an outfit just like mine but her top was black instead of red. Dally in his usual white tank top, blue jeans, and old brown leather jacket.

We hopped in my car and went to the shepards.

When we got there i turned around and looked at monica, "ya' wanna know the only difference between me and dallas winston? His gun isn't loaded, mine is." I pulled a revolver out of my glovebox, checking that it was loaded and hopped out.

I stood up and put the gun above my head, and shot it into the air. Soon enough Tim and Curly were out there staring at me but not daring to come off the porch.

"Rumble at the lot in three days, after dark, skin on skin, no other outfits."

I hopped back in the car and sped off to the dairy queen, the one in tulsa was open 24/7. We all ordered a BBQ sandwich with fries and a cola, Monica insisted we pay.

We picked up Angela and got to the Curtis house just before sunrise. All of us sat down on the biggest couch barrel fitting and just talked the morning away.


	19. I'm Not Okay

Our conversations ended when two-bit walked in and made some lovebird joke.

At this point ponyboy was in the kitchen and Monica was asleep, her head resting on Dal's legs. And Angela was leaning back from sitting in my lap with her head on my shoulder, kissing my neck every once in a while.

Me and dal, and now two-bit we're talking. We were on the topic of if we were dating someone besides who we were dating now when two-bits response to the question was and I quote, "I wouldn't date Monica, she's too emotional for me, and kinda a bitch to be honest."

Which is honestly the wrong thing to say when you're sitting with me and dally, and soda and Darry are walking down the steps.

Dall stood up real quick and almost punched two-bit but i got up and held him back before anything could happen.

"THE HELL'D YOU SAY TWO-BIT! GET THE HELL OUT MY HOUSE, GET OUT! GET! THE! FUCK! OUT!" Darry screamed at two-bit. Two bit hung his head and walked out.

\--------------

"Hey angel, what's up?" I asked Angela as she sat next to me on the front step of the Curtis house.

"Nothin' much, you just seem sad, I wanted to check up on you. What's wrong?"

"I don't know, I don't know," I was starting to break down, "h-how do I handle th-these emotions? How the fuck does anyone handle feeling sad like this?"

"I don't know baby, I guess you're just not used to handling emotions like everyone else is." she breathed into my short hair, holding me in her arms.

"I'm not okay, angela, I-I'm not okay."


	20. Feel Good

I ended up falling asleep, crying, on the porch, laying across Angela's lap. I was woken up and it was the next morning, somehow i had gotten back to the apartment at bucks.

I suppose Angela had brought me back. I felt around next to me on both sides to find that Angela wasn't there. I shot up, "angela! ANGELA!" I got up in only a pair of black leggings and a black lace bra, my hair a mess and my cheeks tearstained.

I bursted out the door and down to the bar, buck was cleaning cups. "Hey, have you seen angela?" I huffed out.

"Uhhhh, yeah, she brought you in at around two am and left at about three am."

"And what time is it now?"

"About 10-ish in the morning"

"Did she tell you where she was going?"

"No, she just left mumbling something about a rumble i think."

"Oh shit! I didn't tell the gang about it, what day is it?"

"Friday"

"Thanks man."

i started to leave out the door when buck called out, "put some clothes on!"

"Right." I sprinted up the stairs.

When i got in the room i left the bra on, and changed the leggings out for jeans, looped my belt through the loops, and tugged on my doc martens combat boots.

I ran into the bathroom taking two pills once again, the rush making me feel warm, and tingley. After that I put on winged black eyeliner, some blush, cherry red lipstick, and I used a bit of water to defrizz my hair and bring it to the side.

I then left.

\---------------

I got to the Curtis house after quite a bit of running-- my car wasn't in the parking lot at bucks-- I saw my car in the curtis' driveway. I jumped the fence and went into the house everyone, even two-bit, despite being blatantly ignored by the boys, was sitting in the living room.

"Sup fuckers!" I yelled out.

Everyone turned to me, a mad kinda look on their faces.

"So I guess y'all heard about the rumble..." I felt my cheeks heat up, I felt nervous.

"yeah we did." Steve said bluntly, as if pissed at me.

"Look im sorry y'all, i meant to tell you sooner, i swear i did, but time got away from me, i fell asleep, all of these emotions took over me, it's all so new, but so old, and i'm sorry i really am." I apologized over and over, I was panicked.

"It's fine, Logan, we just wished you'd've told us sooner, so we could be prepared." Darry responded, his steady voice calmed me.

"Ok"

"Who wants to go to the dingo as an early celebration, my treat." dal butted in.

"With what money, cowboy?" i questioned

"Oh! I forgot to tell you guys, I got a job at dairy queen!" he was happy about it, proud of himself.

"Texas! Now how'd a hood like you get a job? And why did you want a job?"

"I dunno, and I wanted it so I could get a house for us, even if it's small, ya' know to feel like a family again."

"Dal!" Monica exclaimed, "you know you guys could stay here, it's not an issue."

"No, i couldn't do that to darry, make him have to pay more just for us."

"Awwww did the famous hood dallas winston go soft?" i said in a baby voice, nudging him.

Eventually we all went to the dairy queen for lunch then went back to the curtis house to get ready for the rumble. But not before me and Angela stopped at bucks to get my pills, this time I took three feeling the greatest rush ever. I felt good.


	21. Happy Pills

After we got to the Curtis house there were cheers and whoops. Monica went and put on tight, short, jean shorts, and a tight, red, crop top, she put her hair up in a tight ponytail.

Angela put her long locks into two dutch braids, her outfit was similar to Monica's but her shirt was black, and slightly baggy, it was just a t-shirt.

Soda put on a clean flannel, with a white shirt underneath, and then a pair of clean baggy jeans.

The rest of the boys were in their usual clothing. We ate one more meal, and hung out a bit, getting worked up then we ran out the door.

All the boys were doing flips across the yard while we left, I just ran holding onto Angela's hand. Dally did a handstand on the fence then turned around and jumped off.

When we got there the shepard gang was already there, a bonfire was lit, and they were talking.

We walked up and stood across from them, like Athens and Spartans preparing for battle.

"Logan,"

"Curly,"

We regarded each other.

"Your boys skin on skin, no weapons or anything?"

"Yup, what about yours?"

"Of course, I mean, I'm the one that called the ruble." I gave him a toothy grin.

He gave the first punch and hit me square in the jaw, signifying the beginning of the rumble.

After that i don't remember much, what i do know is that i fought many people. The only thing I remember is pinning curly then spitting the blood in my mouth at the ground next to him, giving him a smile with blood covering my teeth.

Then as i came back from my fighting blackout, i realized the shepherd gang had left and that i was just staring at the fire.

Angela called my name and I caught up with the group, taking her hand. We walked to the Curtis house, happy that we won but it was silent, we were all banged up.

When we got to the house everyone finally saw all the bruises and scratches each other had.

Darry went and got the first aid kit, all of us picking a person and some cotton swabs soaked in hydrogen peroxide, along with some bandages.

There were winces and I was looking for injuries on Angela when I saw blood seeping through her shirt.

It was right below her boob area on the right side between the ribs. It had gone through the ribs and I could tell that it was starting to get hard for her to breath. She was wheezing.

"Angela!" i cried, "darry, dally, someone call the hospital, tell them we're coming!"

I scooped her up into my arms bridal style, and got her into the car. I sat with her in the back row holding her head, putting pressure on the wound, crying for her to look at me and stay awake.

Dally stove the craziest i ever saw, but no cops were out so we got to the hospital in about ten minutes.

I held her in my arms carrying her into the hospital.

"NURSE! NURSE! HELP! SHE'S BEEN STABBED BETWEEN THE THIRD AND FOURTH RIB, ITS PUNCTURED HER LUNG!"

They got her in a cot and took her into surgery.

\--------------

Five restless hours later the nurse came out and said she might not make it through the night and we should say goodbye just in case.

I ran into her room and her heartbeat was so low it was as if the machine couldn't read it.

"Hey baby," i gave her a kiss and tried to stay strong for her. "I'll see you soon."

I pulled out the pills that had been given to me and took the glass of water from next to her bed. I took one pill, then another, and another, until before i knew it twenty two pills were gone from the bottle. I grabbed angela's hand.

"You deserve a soft epilogue, my love, you have suffered enough."

And everything went black.


	22. Epilogue

"you deserve a soft epilogue, my love, you have suffered enough." Those are the last words Angela Shepard ever heard from the only person she ever loved like that.

Everyone had gone to her funeral, after Angela recovered.

Pony and Johnny ended up living together in tulsa. Steve and soda went to fight in vietnam soda died there and steve was never the same, dying just a few weeks after. Two-bit died of overdose as well after losing contact with all his friends. Dally and Monica moved to New York City and took Angela in. Angela never again found love, but she was the "cool aunt" to dally and monica's son. As for darry he died of natural causes, having lived a long life with a beautiful wife, never having kids though.

As if Logan's words sheltered her, Angela never had any more hardships in her life, but she never did fully mourn the loss of her lover. Angela eventually died of heartbreak, when dally's son was about ten years old.

Dally and Monica died of old age, their son carrying on the family names Winston and Curtis.


End file.
